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Not for Human Consumption

I’m crying today as I say the blessing.

A dear woman, wife of a dear friend of my husband’s, only 38 years old has passed away leaving orphans and devastation.

It’s beyond comprehension. I think of their Tatty trying to explain. I can’t control my tears.

I say the blessing on my challah – and I don’t even know what I’m praying for today – only to feel the connection, to feel Hashem’s love.

And as I remove the piece of dough, and carefully wrap it up so I don’t confuse it with the rest of my dough – I am reminded that this piece is not for me.

This is Hashem’s piece of dough. This is the part that I can never consume, never absorb – I need to render it completely inedible.

Maybe there’s something else I never realized about this Challah that we remove. This is the part that is not for us to understand. We have this beautiful perfect combination of ingredients in our bowl of life – and it all looks so good – but there is a part of it that is beyond what we see – what we understand.

We can never, not in this lifetime, access that part completely. Only to know how little we know of this part that is beyond the life we see.

As I put the piece of dough in the toaster oven and watch it burn, I’m thinking that this is the part of life I will have to trust.

Like a small child who feels that their parent is punishing them, and only feels pain – yet knows deep down, that their parent really loves them and knows something they don’t know yet.

We will have to continue removing this piece of dough our whole lives – and may they be long, healthy lives – and we will continue to agree to not know everything, and trust that the part we cant absorb, is also good – is in fact – perfect.Save

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