That’s a pretty decent summation of my feelings coming home tonight at midnight from leading a Challah workshop consisting of over 50, incredible women in Midtown Manhattan.
This was one of those weeks. Every piece of my crazy (awesome) life seemed to need my attention at the same time. In general, I have busy ‘design weeks’ and then busy community weeks, and family weeks, and ‘challah career’ weeks, but then sometimes, it all comes together in this perfect storm -and I feel pulled in every direction – not knowing which way to turn first – which fire do I put out?? Who needs me the most right now? Am I spending too much time on this area of my life? Should I be putting more into another area? I feel like one of those torture victims on the rack, or better yet, a reluctant dough – being pullllllled.
Yeah. One of those weeks.
I was feeling overwhelmed.
Until tonight. As chaotic and hectic as it was to teach 50 women about challah in a really small space, there was a perfect calm and stillness within me as I gazed at all these magnificent women and saw how we are all really one, how all the pieces of all our lives intersect perfectly to create this exact place in time.
It was a fine moment.
And then I came home and started making my own Challah, (it’s almost Friday morning!) and as I’m kneading together all the little bits and pieces, it occurs to me.
To backtrack . . . my husband shared a teaching with me this past week, it was prescient – although I didn’t realize it at the time – actually, let’s be really honest here, we’re friends, right?
here’s the truth! I was busy with 10 other things and not really paying attention (doing the fake listening thing . . . you know what I’m talking about!) and I didn’t really get it as he shared the thought with me.
But now I’m getting it.
In the story of Esau and Jacob, Esau says ‘I have Rav/Alot and Jacob says – ‘I have HaKol/Everything –
and there is a verse that says, “V’Hashem Berach es Avraham BaKol” “and Hashem blessed Avraham with ‘Kol’ Everything”
What’s the difference between ‘Alot’ and ‘Everything’?
The way I was feeling all week vs. the way I feel tonight.
Ever feel like there is so much going on, you don’t know where to turn first? But rather than it feeling full – it feels scattered, and all those pieces of our life feel separate from each other.
But then there’s a moment – deep in my challah bowl – as all the bits come together to form this beautiful whole – and I realize, truly, deeply – that all these little pieces are part of a perfect whole – and my life wouldn’t be complete without each and every crumb of craziness.
So here’s to a life of ‘everything’.
May it be sweet (and preferably vanilla flavored) And may it RISE.